Bridal Shows, oh my!

From about ten seconds before you get engaged on, you get bombarded with vendors that can smell your fear and know you are overwhelmed and need ALL THE THINGS for your upcoming nuptuals.

It’s a little scary going in.  I was engaged a long time ago, and in the meantime, the wedding industry has totally changed.  The first time, there was a whole lot of “This right here is what you do.” Hard stop.  But in the last ten years, it’s like everyone has forgotten etiquette, and everything has become a free for all.

Some of it isn’t necessarily bad, but nobody has any idea why we do anything, so who cares, right?  Garters are gross because 30+ yr old frat boys pull them off with their teeth, which is exactly what the bride’s father wants to see right?  (cue eye roll) But very few people know that the garter and bouquet tosses have a long tradition – it used to be considered good luck to get a piece of the bride.  In an attempt to save the bride from a dangerous fate, couples started tossing the bouquet and the garter to make getting a piece of the bride a little more civilized.

And as a result, we’re losing a lot of the meaning behind a wedding.

Take the cake for instance.  The shape came from a french tradition of bringing pastries.  They’d pile them up and see if the couple could kiss over the pile.  Since every guest brought one, the hope was that you had so many people coming to encourage your union that you couldn’t kiss over the pile.  Smashing the cake is just obnoxious.  I mean, it’s supposed to symbolize providing for each other, so if you’re jamming it up their nose, how good of a caregiver do you think you’re going to be?

I’ll reign in the tangent for now, but still.  With everything in a state of free-for-all, there are a lot more options out there for weddings.  Also in the past ten years there’s been an explosion in wedding cost.

I know that’s a slight tangent, but not entirely.  Which brings us back to bridal shows.

So I went to my first bridal show in January.  It was $5 admission, but brides registered in advance online and I found out when I got there that it was free for me.  Also, they gave me a goodie bag. The second bridal show was a week ago, and they were giving things away to the first 100 brides.   So RULE #1 – SAY YOU’RE THE BRIDE, even if you aren’t.  It’s cheaper and you get free stuff.

The first few vendors were the expected kind – a cake guy, honeymoon planners, etc.  There were a few weird ones like botox.  There were some fun ones like photo booths that gave you samples of what they could do.  And the food people gave you samples, which is RULE #2 – COME HUNGRY because good grief, you will eat, and RULE #3 – TRY EVERYTHING even if you don’t think you’ll like it (unless you’re allergic or religiously barred from eating it of course).  At the first show, we had about 20 different things to sample.  But in nice quantities, like sliders and mini cupcakes.  By the time we were done, we’d eaten wedding cakes four times, a sandwich, fruit, half a dozen side dishes including the world’s best cheesy potatoes and  a really unique barbecue white macaroni and cheese, and drank several beverages.  The second show had four different caterers and Jeni’s Ice Cream (OMG) and dessert places.  And I say try everything because there are a lot of things I don’t like – like tea and barbecue – and the fruit tea and mac and cheese were fabulous.  And those cheesy potatoes weren’t even on my radar until I ate them.  Also, I have a great local restaurant on my places to eat list just because I got to try them for free at the show.

Also, RULE #4 – SIGN UP FOR ALL THE THINGS.  I know it sounds weird, but the freebies are worth it.  Nothing Bundt Cakes were one of the vendors, for instance, and their eclub gives you a free mini bundt on your birthday, so take advantage. I’ve been offered free dance lessons, been given several reusable shopping bags, kitchen items, back massagers, etc.  RULE 4A – TAKE ALL THE THINGS.  Because seriously.  Especially if you’re at a show you paid money to get into.  Get that money back.  The fliers are also helpful for you to get a realistic idea of the insanity that is the wedding industry.  The venue we were at for the first show had a special with the location and their in house caterer – $23k.  I’ll wait while you stop laughing.  I’m not going to get in line for that one, But it’s good to know some of this stuff.  Knowing the videographer I talked to was 1k tells me that I won’t be fitting one into my budget.  Knowing that the bundt place charges $65 for two tiers talked me out of a traditional wedding cake and into a dessert table, something I’d been considering anyway.

Not only that, but one of the places I want to go dress shopping was set up at the second bridal show I went to, and they gave me a thing for $100 off my dress.  I was already planning to look there, so they’ve potentially saved me money, and it took a few seconds out of my day.

RULE 5 – NOT ALL SHOWS ARE CREATED EQUAL.  The first show I went to was really nice.  It was arranged so that everything was sectioned off, and it had a really nice vendors that were great to talk to.  The second show was crap.  The aisles were too narrow, and several vendors blatantly ignored us while we stood in front of their tables.  Oh, and I asked six questions, and all six got me “I don’t know” or “well it depends” type questions.  No, it doesn’t depend.  If you have a venue, you know how much the room costs.  So when somebody says “How much is your venue…”  there’s absolutely no reason you can’t say “Well, it starts at x, but it depends on what you get or don’t get, of course…”  because at least that’s some sort of answer, you know?  Like the venue I’m looking at right now.  I know how much the building starts at and I know that the price changes if I do or don’t use their caterer or use multiple sites or whatever.  It’s pretty simple.

Anyway, by the next blog post, I will have been at show #3.  (Actually, by the time this one posts I will have…  I don’t know if I’ll have time to update this, though…) It’s being held at a huge hotel/convention center, so I’m hoping for good food and good information from them, even though I know I can’t afford them.  (Their permit for photography costs more than my photography budget)  But I also hope after this one that I will have some good ideas nailed down for what I’m doing for mine, you know?

 

 

 

 

Wedding…

I’m not gonna lie, I am a little overwhelmed about this wedding thing.  I started doing this about a decade ago and that didn’t work out – fortunately – but so much has changed in the wedding industry in the last decade that it’s like I have no idea what I’m doing.

I went to my first bridal show a few weeks ago, armed with Liz, my MOH, and Charity, my work wife, and Monica, who is a hopeless romantic.  We learned so much that day.  For starters, I learned that if a bridal show gives you the option to register as a bride, you do it.  Charity and I didn’t have to pay admission and we got goody bags full of stuff.  Among other things, a gel eye mask that can be heated or cooled, and cute little stud earrings.

We also learned that if two brides go together, vendors think there’s just one wedding.  *sigh*  And clearly I’m slow on the uptake, but we were almost done with the show when it dawned on me why it was so hard to get stuff for both of us.  We’d walk up together and we’d have to point out that the other person was also a bride and then demand the handouts.  It wasn’t until about five vendors from done that someone said “Is one okay or do you both need one?”  that it clicked they thought we were marrying each other.  LOL!

So, some things I learned that day:

1. Everyone wants you to buy everything and nobody has ever heard of a budget.  Seriously, the show was put on by a vendor that wanted to show off their location spaces.  Their full package – that still didn’t include everything – was $23k.  So, $23k for location, food, tables, cloths, etc…  But not clothes or some vendors or personal touches.  OUCH.  Another was a florist.  For $960, I could get my bouquet and four small ones, six boutonnieres… and nothing else.  WTH?  I could go to Wal-Mart and buy fifty bouquets for that much money.
2. Weird vendors will appear – botox people, weird ass health supplements, etc.  I don’t know anybody who ever sat around and thought “OMG, Wedding Botox, WOOT!”
3. Try all the food.  I mean, I knew damn well I wasn’t going to use their in house caterer or rent out the food truck that had been parked in the building, but there was admission, and I was going to get my (or at least my bridesmaids’) money out of it.  Besides, I had figured that the first one I went to was at least going to point out what I didn’t want, so try all the things.  We got lots of food, though.  First there was a cake guy that was so good my MOH said she’d get her birthday cake there.  A food place with a fabulous cheesy potato thing that I want to try to remember to make for my own wedding.  Then Sangria, which was horrible, the in house caterer had fruit, cookies, pulled pork sandwiches, etc.  Enough to get one of those small appetizer plates nice and full.  And water, which was very nice at that point.  Then a second cake place that was okay.  The food truck was high-end southern.  BBQ White Mac N Cheese, Sweet Potato.. something with caramel on it.  Fruit tea.  I don’t like pretty much any of that, but I ate it all and it was actually quite good.  Nothing Bundt Cakes was there and their white chocolate raspberry cake was so good I went and bought myself one a week later.
4. You will be tired and overwhelmed.  Check and check.

 

So in the end, almost nothing there was an idea that I’d want again.  And all I know is that I don’t want some over the top ridiculous soiree either.  I seem to be most comfortable with rustic modern.  I think I knew that before, but that confirmed it.

I did walk away with some decent freebies, though, so at least I can start collecting swag.

 

 

Trying to nail down my venue before I do anything else, and the worst thing in the world happened – my dream venue, that I’ve thought about for YEARS – has a five year wait.  Apparently I should have just booked it way back when, because that sucks.  I cried ugly tears a lot of times over that.

I have a second place in mind that I need to call and ask a bunch of questions.  But it looks like they might not be a bad location.  Still a state park, and one I’ve been to a bunch of times, so there’s always that.  Just really sucks that the one thing that I would have given the rest of everything up for, I can’t have.

 

 

When all is said and done, I think I’m going to write a book for brides on a budget.  Every single one I’ve checked out from the library has sucked – budget or not – and I really want brides to have options and not feel as overwhelmed as I did at first.